tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post116580560994871858..comments2024-03-22T03:35:27.752-04:00Comments on Written Inc.: Little man learns from failurecarmilevyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00360045114379957605noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165981598995331802006-12-12T22:46:00.000-05:002006-12-12T22:46:00.000-05:00I imagine I will experience similar emotions soon,...I imagine I will experience similar emotions soon, as my son turns five in March. Sometimes I think the hardest thing must be to know what failure feels like to oneself and then to see one's own child, the one person a parent can least bare to see suffer, feel that same pain. <BR/><BR/>Who knew parenthood would bring such a complexity of difficulty prior to the actual experience?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165889935862968482006-12-11T21:18:00.000-05:002006-12-11T21:18:00.000-05:00Oh, Carmi.... You made me cry. Just this past week...Oh, Carmi.... You made me cry. Just this past weekend, DH and I were watching Baby J play with a balloon. Something so simple, yet he found such delight in it. I was crying just watching him. I said to my sweet husband, "Wow, they sure don't tell you that after you have a child, you can weep over the simplest thing." And we just smiled at eachother through our tears. <BR/><BR/>FWIW, I'm so happy that you allowed your son to "fail". I feel that too often in our society (what with no more "F"s given in school, and the constant overhandling of our children's egos) that we are so busy making sure that our kids *always* feel good, that sometimes we eliminate or try to erase the feelings of failure or inadequacy that we all have experienced. And IMHO, this is a great disservice to our children. <BR/><BR/>They need to experience pain to know true joy. To fail to know what real success and striving feels like. To be humiliated to learn humility, and to be cheated out of something, so they learn the value of honesty. <BR/><BR/>As hard as it was to hold your crying boy, you did a great thing by letting him "fail" and telling him to try harder. You have prepared him for real life. Without you. And that is all we can do as parents. <BR/><BR/>Love this story, Carmi. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165887060640067702006-12-11T20:31:00.000-05:002006-12-11T20:31:00.000-05:00You're such a great writer. That was very touching...You're such a great writer. That was very touching!DeAnnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06419786015537968844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165878072737668922006-12-11T18:01:00.000-05:002006-12-11T18:01:00.000-05:00Carmi, one thing that I appreciate about my own pa...Carmi, one thing that I appreciate about my own parents is that they let me try and fail..when I did fail, they were right there to love me well. That lesson is priceless to a child. I feel like my parents did the best they could to prepare me for life...and then they needed to let me go live it. I only hope that I can do the same for my three as they grow. Love goes along way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165863900938724742006-12-11T14:05:00.000-05:002006-12-11T14:05:00.000-05:00Oh, Carmi, this is so lovely.I like that you didn'...Oh, Carmi, this is so lovely.<BR/><BR/>I like that you didn't tie it all up in a neat package at the end.<BR/><BR/>I think our familes would get along very well. Too bad London is so far away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165851050014738292006-12-11T10:30:00.000-05:002006-12-11T10:30:00.000-05:00I think that a lot of the time, those moments are ...I think that a lot of the time, those moments are harder on us than they are on our kids. That's definitely true with S and I, anyway.<BR/><BR/>Hang in there, both of you. It really will be ok. It would actually be worse for him to easily succeed at everything early on, because he'd never develop the habit of "trying," and would have it even tougher later on in life. I know of what I speak, believe me!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165849284338372012006-12-11T10:01:00.000-05:002006-12-11T10:01:00.000-05:00You can tell your little man that there are many m...You can tell your little man that there are many many kids out there who get stuck in one level; more kids than not. It is a flaw in the swimming program itself (I could talk for hours about this).<BR/><BR/>You can also tell him that there are lots of kids out there who never complete a swim program (like myself) but go on to become amazing speed swimmers. I know many an Olympian who never made it past AQ5/6 because they got stuck at that level and tried speed swimming to increase their strength.<BR/><BR/>Personally, after 15 years of teaching / swimming / developing programs / coaching, I prefer programs that are value based instead of goal / achievement based.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165845804192304432006-12-11T09:03:00.000-05:002006-12-11T09:03:00.000-05:00It took me three tries to pass beginner's level sw...It took me three tries to pass beginner's level swimming lessons. I hope the little man hangs in there. He's not alone.HRH Courtney, Queen of Everythinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09019876055788862713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165819962885433012006-12-11T01:52:00.000-05:002006-12-11T01:52:00.000-05:00I failed a math test in second grade and learned t...I failed a math test in second grade and learned to pay attention to the instructions. I failed an eye exam in sixth grade and discovered that life didn't come to an end simply because I had glasses. I failed my first anatomy practical in medical school and learned that I was no longer one of the few 4.0 students in college, but one of 200 students with a 4.0 and I had to work harder. I still fail at things. It means I'm still learning.<BR/><BR/>If we never failed, how could we know what success was or more important, how could we ever appreciate it?srphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11751987787364198318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165817759464645382006-12-11T01:15:00.000-05:002006-12-11T01:15:00.000-05:00oh, carmi... there were many times when i tried an...oh, carmi... there were many times when i tried and failed at something and i wish my parents had been as loving and supportive as you and your wife are. you are rasing three really great kids.<BR/><BR/>last time from michele's tonight.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165813747977534762006-12-11T00:09:00.000-05:002006-12-11T00:09:00.000-05:00We create this sort of situation, partly, by setti...We create this sort of situation, partly, by setting it up so they get rewarded. In some cultures the idea of giving children a badge and praise for passing a level would be rather foreign. In these cultures, they learn the rewards of success for itself. Your wee guy knew how much he had learned - until the badge moment came and he was told, in effect, it wasn't "enough".<BR/>I hope he does go back for more swinning lessons. But even more important, that he gets in the pool when it's not lesson time and just has a lot of fun in the water.<BR/><BR/>Oh yes, Michele sent meCatherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08236329216260906624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165809493817189722006-12-10T22:58:00.000-05:002006-12-10T22:58:00.000-05:00Carmi, you are already doing what needs to be done...Carmi, you are already doing what needs to be done to prepare your children for their lives beyond mom and dad. I failed diving when I was about 12. I hated getting my head underwater and couldn't bring myself to dive head first off the board. I could jump (and hold my nose), but that wasn't acceptable to the class leader, so I failed. I got over it, and so will your little one.kenjuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07342414519714356343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165809016858969512006-12-10T22:50:00.000-05:002006-12-10T22:50:00.000-05:00Wow. This brought a tear to my eyes. My husband ...Wow. This brought a tear to my eyes. My husband and I were discussing this topic tonite...how eventually, we'll be comforting our girls through times like your boy went through. Something tells me that its going to be harder on me than it will on them. But that's the problem with parenthood, isn't it? Sometimes, you have to step back and let them experience things on their own. Great post!scrappintwinmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02931849861248502361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7449503.post-1165807834233525112006-12-10T22:30:00.000-05:002006-12-10T22:30:00.000-05:00Saying hi from Michele's. If I quit after failing ...Saying hi from Michele's. If I quit after failing I wouldn't have my driver's license. Taking the test made me so nervous that I screwed up the first two times.<BR/><BR/>I live in fear of having to take the drivers exam over again. (I can't parallel park to save my life)The Mistress of the Darkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16923975714269274370noreply@blogger.com