The last before photo

Angled to the sky
London, ON
June 2019
This photo originally shared on Instagram

When someone dies, the world for everyone who mattered to them is forever divided into befores and afters. Moments, conversations, trips, photos, you name it, they all become permanently categorized based on whether they occurred or were experienced before or after the phone rang and the terrible news was shared.

This is a before photo, taken on a lunchtime walk through a faded-at-the-edges neighborhood near my office. I had never been here before, so I was paying particular attention to the tiny details that made this corner of the city memorable. It had been a good day so far, and I recall feeling somewhat relaxed for the first time in months.

I obviously spoke too soon, because the phone rang not too long after I took this shot.

It is both comforting and frustrating to look at it now. Comforting because I'm pleased with how it came out, all cool geometry and texture and color and all that. Frustrating because it's now a moment frozen in time, and I feel powerless that I can't simply jump inside it and redirect what happens next. Doesn't work that way, I know, but when the very pixels are inches in front of you, you still wish.

My father-in-law enjoyed my photography, and we often spoke of the craft, my experiences within it, what I shot, why, and what I might tackle next. I never got to show him this specific shot, yet but by virtue of its timing, it will forever be indelibly stamped with his memory. Something tells me he'd have smiled at both the photo, as well as its significance.

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