12 years without dad

A familiar face
London, ON
September 12, 2009
This photo originally shared on Instagram

I lost my dad 12 years ago today.

This is one of the last photos I took of him, just weeks before he died. Likely the last time I stuck my lens in his face.

Sometimes I’ll look in a mirror and see bits of him in me. Sometimes I’ll say something and realize I’m echoing either what he might have said, or how he might have said it.

Which is weird, because for much of my life before he died, I was the typical kid who bristled at comparisons, who turned left when mom and dad said right, who pursued a path - writing, creative, media, nerd - that was decidedly different than what most parents of that generation liked to brag about to their friends.

I was the square peg in my family’s round hole, and I’m not entirely sure I was ever able to bridge that divide.

Still, I turned out fairly ok. He did the best he could, with whatever he had. I could have done far worse in the growing-up-in-modern-times sweepstakes, and the past dozen years have given me ample opportunity to reflect on the foundation he both built for me, then helped me build still further, on my own.

It’s what parents do. And he, like his youngest son, was far from perfect. But he accomplished his mission. And then some. And for that and more, I’m thankful.

12 years can pass in a blink if you let it. Indeed, any length of time can feel impossibly short, especially when you spend it wondering about the why.

There is no answer to this why. Only a lifetime of memories I feel compelled to keep alive in spaces like this.

#ldnont #throwback #family #everything