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| When he walked with his Zaydie Laval, QC Photo originally shared March 2007 |
I still remember what it felt like when the phone first rang at 2:23 a.m., my mother's voice sounding so endlessly hollow and sad. It was surreal then, and it still is today.
I’ve had a decade to think about it. To ponder what loss means, and how we move on from it in a way that allows us to continue to lead meaningful, productive, happy lives.
I miss him every day, but I won’t let the shadow darken my life. Because when you step back for a moment, you realize this entire life thing is fraught with tough realities: No one gets out alive. We all die at different times, which means we will all suffer - and be forced to live with - loss.
And when the inevitable occurs, you have choices. Either allow it to define who you are, use it as an indefinite excuse, brand yourself with it. Or wrap yourself around it, let the pain change who you are, and maybe grow your soul a little in the process.
I was lucky enough to have a father in the first place. He wasn’t remotely perfect, but he gave me enough advantage and taught me enough so that I could grow into a father, as well, and raise our kids at least as well as he raised me. It wasn’t pre-ordained that we’d have him forever, and Lord knows he didn’t do himself any favors in the way he cared for himself.
But counting days, or feeling ripped off for not getting more of them, is senseless. It’s done, and nothing we do now can change that. Instead, we must ask if we made the most out of the days we were given. If we were left with memories that, today, help us in our quest to be better people. That’s all that matters.
Losing him taught me how to navigate chaos and loss - lessons that helped me over the last year as we lost my brother, then my father-in-law.
My father will never know any of this, of course. But life isn’t about living forever. It’s about planting seeds, teaching lessons, leaving legacies so that others may reap the rewards in future.
I did. And I am. As are our kids, including the now-much-larger-Noah who got a chance to hold his Zaydie Arthur’s hand one summer’s day. And for that, I’m thankful.
#ldnont #laval #montreal #lifeinthemargins #family #everything
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- The journey home. The journey away from home.
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- Five years
- Seven years
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