100 things about me

I've been asked by a bunch of folks to write a 100-things-about-Carmi list. I've resisted for a while because I generally don't do memes. These things take time - which is something I do not have much of these days. I also don't think anyone's really that interested in knowing all that much about me.

But the 100-things thing still gnawed at me for months. So I wrote one. And now that I've knoncked off one, I think I might do another one sometime.

Here we go...

1. When I was born, I was fat, red-haired, and incredibly cross-eyed.
2. My uncle called me Butterball.
3. These days, I'm relatively thin, I eat whatever I wish, and I have trouble gaining weight.
4. Women hate me as a result.
5. My eyes are fairly large and blue. I can see in the dark.
6. The flip side is I need to wear sunglasses on even moderately bright days. Otherwise, I can barely see.
7. Between the ages of 4 and 6, I wore a two-legged cast with bars in between.
8. As a result, I learned to swim and ride a bike really late: 8- and 10-years-old, respectively.
9. I made up for lost time: I eventually became a lifeguard. I often cycle more kilometers per year than some motorists.
10. I met my wife while working as a lifeguard.
11. She thought I looked hot in a Speedo.
12. I no longer own a Speedo.
13. I've never been in a fight.
14. Unless you count my being assaulted by a motorist last year.
15. I wrote about him here, here, here and here. He later pleaded guilty. Loser.
16. No, I did not swear at him.
17. My first published work was a poem in my high school yearbook.
18. My English teacher that year thought I was a slacker.
19. I have since concluded that she was likely correct: I skated when it came to writing because it was easy.
20. I own two bicycles: a purple one and a pink one.
21. My masculinity is not compromised in the least.
22. My wife agrees with me.
23. I take pictures of the strangest things.
24. I learned this from my late grandfather. When I was a kid, I'd go to the park with him and we'd watch squirrels play.
25. He appreciated the little things that most people ignore. I got that.
26. I've been known to cry during movies.
27. I also laugh. From my belly. When I smile, I smile with my whole face. And my soul.
28. Sometimes, I laugh for no apparent reason. Also from my belly.
29. It makes no sense to anyone else. That's OK if it makes them smile, too.
30. I love being the only one awake in the house before dawn breaks.
31. I love listening to the birds as they begin their morning song.
32. I love the sound of a silent house.
33. I love when that sound is replaced by pattering little feet.
34. I love listening to our youngest sing to himself while he plays.
35. I believe that when our kids doze, they smell like sleep.
36. When I was a teenager, I walked away from a car accident on a Montreal highway.
37. Someone else was driving.
38. To this day, I'm a nervous passenger. I'd rather be the one behind the wheel.
39. There's something neat about a car with a sunroof.
40. I'll keep mine open as long as there isn't ice on it, even if I have to crank the heater in winter.
41. I'm a closet Mac addict, stuck in a conventional PC world. Help me.
42. I once flew on a blimp. I tossed popcorn out the windows and tried to hit the swimming pools below. (I missed, by the way.)
43. My request to actually fly the blimp was politely declined.
44. I hate big crowds, loud noise, and boisterous people.
45. I like to linger around the perimeter, where I can quietly observe the proceedings.
46. I dislike parties. They're too warm, and my feet hurt afterward.
47. I'm a rare writer who barely drinks alcohol.
48. I hate drawing attention to myself.
49. Yet I love being published, interviewed and quoted. I have no idea why: it's just cool.
50. I am addicted to movie soundtracks. A good movie can often be driven by music.
51. I had a strong singing voice when I was a child.
52. Then I hit puberty.
53. I often hum while I ride my bike.
54. I won't sing to anyone else. I don't enjoy inflicting pain.
55. I believe people are fundamentally good until they prove otherwise.
56. If they show their nasty side, I'm pretty quick to leave them be.
57. I'm patently unable to simply forgive and forget.
58. I learned long ago that you don't have to like everybody.
59. Even if you're related to them.
60. I have relatively few friends. They are all incredibly dear to me. I have no patience for shallowness.
61. Selfish people really tick me off. Generosity of spirit is so much more inspiring.
62. My father had his first heart surgery 10 days after our daughter was born.
63. We loaded her into the car and drove back home to be there.
64. He needed a number of transfusions during the surgery. Total strangers helped him. That affected me somehow.
65. I started donating blood plasma then. I figured this was a nice way to give back.
66. I donate each week. It's an inspiring way to spend a couple of hours on an early Friday morning.
67. The cookies, juice and conversation are pretty good, too.
68. I ride my bike and eat right so that my kids never have to make that trip.
69. And if they do, it'll be because of something I couldn't control.
70. Like cancer. I fear it. It has taken many family members. But I can't lose sleep over things I cannot change.
71. Smokers bother me.
72. Actually, it is their stupidity and self-centredness that bother me.
73. I am the youngest of three children.
74. I write about the people who matter most to me.
75. Whoever gets no ink probably doesn't matter most.
76. I'm not being mean. I reserve my limited time for the folks who appreciate it and deserve it.
77. My world revolves around my wife and our three children.
78. She carried them for 9 months each. They sorta look like me. Life isn't fair.
79. Thankfully, they inherited my wife's fundamental kindness.
80. I hate when people can see my computer screen.
81. I once drove a cubicle for a living.
82. Now I write about my adventures in cubicle-land.
83. If you know a publisher who'd be interested in my book, e-mail me.
84. It'll be my second book. My first one was published in 2004.
85. It was about technology infrastructure. My parents didn't understand a word of it.
86. When I worked for Mother Corp., I would often do Google searches for "sheep porn."
87. I knew it would drive the network admins insane.
88. I once rode my bike through the building on a quiet Sunday afternoon.
89. I learned that thirty-year-old burned-orange carpet squares have lousy traction.
90. Quitting that place turned out to be a pretty smart move.
91. I used to phone into a radio call-in show using as many different voices and accents as I could.
92. The producer eventually busted me. They still aired four of my other voices.
93. I eventually became the associate producer of that same show.
94. I never told my news director. I guess I'm busted now.
95. I have an uncanny ability to remember the most arcane facts.
96. I was on my high school's Reach for the Top team.
97. We lost. I swore on-air.
98. I still do not know where the pots and pans belong.
99. It explains why my wife can be so annoyed by me - and loves me to bits and pieces. All at the same time.
100. That makes me incredibly lucky. Not a day goes by that I don't remind myself of this.
101. I've apparently overstayed my welcome. This list was supposed to be only 100 items long, right?
102. Yet I've enjoyed this process immensely. I think I'll write another one soon.

Your turn: Should I?

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Update: In the end, I did. Part 2 is available here.

Update - Sep. 22, 2012: Apparently, 2 lists weren't enough. Part 3 has just been posted. Here.