- Thank you to the mother in our car pool who, for the umpteenth time since we started the car pool, left my kid sitting at his art class. I hope his need to get home didn't interfere with your social calendar. You know that cell phone that you usually have stuck in your ear while you're ignoring the environment around your SUV? I'm puzzled why you didn't use it to, um, I don't know, call someone to advise us that you had once again come up with something more important to do than uphold your end of the bargain.
- A tip of the hat to the road raging motorcyclist who apparently didn't take too kindly to my refusal to let him squeeze by me on the onramp last week. While you were busy trying to bait me into a three-lane, high-speed game of vehicular chicken, you failed to consider two things. One: One bump from my four-wheeled vehicle would have turned your two-wheeler - and by extension, you - into a lifeless pile. Be glad I was in a good mood that night. Two: I have a BlackBerry, which I used to call the OPP, who seemed very pleased when they hauled you over. I hope you were polite to them. You man, you.
- The woman who neglected to say "thank you" when I held the door for her at the mall. I'm a door-holder (I know, it makes me a sap. Whatev) and it stuns me how many people will deliberately avoid eye contact and just keep on walking. I'm tempted to let the door slam in the next moron's face, but I know I wasn't raised to be a dick. I choose to use you people as lessons in politeness for our kids.
- The neighbors with two large dogs and an apparent allergy to using leashes. They've been warned countless times to hook them up. They've spent many nights driving around the neighborhood after their less-than-trained pets ran away. They've been visited by animal control so often that they're on a first-name basis with the officers. I'm the guy who called them in this week when one of them charged me, charged my youngest son and tried to get into my house. I'm the one with animal control on his BlackBerry's speed dial, and I'll keep calling them until you either learn your lesson - easy way or hard way, your choice - or they take these poor animals away from you for good. Rest assured that in the meantime, my kids are learning all about how not to raise a pet by watching you.
GOATS IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD
3 hours ago