Sunday, February 24, 2013

There are no words

Anyone who knows my wife, Debbie, knows how fiercely devoted she is to family. We live hundreds of kilometres away from her parents - thousands when they're in Florida - but not a day goes by when she's not on the phone with them, tightly connecting herself to parents who very ably planted the seeds of family and community in her. In our own home, she is the pillar around which everything revolves, the one with all the answers, the centre of our world. She got that from her parents.

Deb's mom passed away Friday night. She had been sick for years, and this winter was especially challenging, as she had been in and out of hospital in Florida. Still, like Debbie, that inviolable, grounded, ever-present beacon for the family, she always found a way to return home and be there once again for everyone around her.

I wish I could have waved a wand to make that so. I wish I could have held my wife when she returned from visiting her in Montreal last week and ensured that everything would be ok, that she'd soon be back in her kitchen throwing together yet another family-connecting Friday night dinner or simply reaching out by phone to ask the kids how their day was. I wish I could have fixed this.

I wish for so many things. The universe has other plans.

25 comments:

Kalei's Best Friend said...

There are things we just can't fix and that's the frustrating thing.. tho there are other ways I know u will find...another life lesson here.
((HUGS)) to all..

Karen S. said...

One can only rally now around what once was, as your tender post reads. I know from my own mother's passing we long to hold on to them far longer than we should, and as much as it always tears me up when people say they are in a better place now, I know it's true but, if it were up to us we would never let go- and so, that's why those loved ones yet living, we must rally our love around them now, everyday, before that door closes too. I think you've even posted here about your mother-in-law if I'm not mistaken. I think you took her shopping once, and shared a post about it. Everything we do and share becomes a memory somewhere! I wish sweet memories and blessings for your wife, and all of you at this time.

Robin said...

I'm so sorry. May her memory be a blessing.

Baruch dayan HaEmet.

Lisa Shafer said...

Ah, that's always hard.
I'm glad you have each other to lean on, though. It's harder to go through such a loss alone.

Jeremiah Andrews said...

Eternal rest grant her and may perpetual light shine upon her.

My condolences.

Jeremy

fredamans said...

Sending my deepest condolences.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Sorry to hear it, Carmi.

My best wishes to all.
~

Thumper said...

I am so, so sorry. :(

Hilary said...

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

kenju said...

Carmi, I am so sorry for your loss. Please give Debbie and your children my condolences.

Star said...

I am so sorry for your loss , Carmi. My thoughts are with you all.

Winston Smith said...

My condolences Carmi. Sounds like she was a great woman who was loved by all. So sorry for your loss.

dean said...

Oh, man. I'm so sorry. My condolences to your family.

Alexia said...

So sad to hear this. Tears came to my eyes as I read your post. Blessings on you and your family.
I know you will be a wonderful support to your wife, as she was to you when your beloved father passed away. It's very hard to go through this, but having each other makes it a little easier.

Arohanui

CorvusCorax12 said...

My Condolences

Chris said...

I'm so sorry, Carmi. Our thoughts are with your family.

Michèle Dextras said...

I am so sorry for your family's loss. The loss of a family member is always difficult.

Michèle

Michael Manning said...

Carmi: I am sorry to learn of your loss. My sincere thoughts and prayers are with your family.

Gilly said...

I'm so sorry Carmi. A loss in the family is always sad, but especially so when family is so close.

Hang on to the memories, and polish them up frequently.

Janet said...

So sorry to hear about Debbie's Mom, Carmi...gentle hugs.

PastormacsAnn said...

Prayers for comfort as your family mourns the loss of one so very dear.

Vicki said...

Carmi,
I'm so sorry to hear of your family's loss. Just getting over this hurdle can seem like an almost impossible feat. It is so hard when our loved ones are so far away and something like this happens. I know that in the days ahead, the memories of your Mother-In-Law will fill your hearts with great comfort. Sending loving thoughts to your family.
~Vicki~

lailani said...

Saddened to read of your family's loss. Praying for peace and comfort for you all.

Janice said...

Carmi, I'm so sorry to hear that your family is going through such a great loss. Family is the most important thing to me so I can appreciate the gaping hole that will be left now. Stay close to each other and remember all the great things about your mom/grandma/MIL. Sending my love, praying for you guys.

Pat Tillett said...

I'm so very sorry to hear this. Please accept my sincere condolences. All the positive and healing thoughts I can muster are heading your way. Take care...