Sunday, July 31, 2005

Babies don't turn 5, do they?

Our little guy, Noah, celebrates his fifth birthday today. In a couple of hours, we'll load the minivan, slide open the sunroof, pop on some tunes and head on down to the play place that he chose as the venue for his party. He and his boisterous circle of friends will run themselves silly, fill themselves with pizza and cake, and then hopefully be tired enough to nap while their parents - and we - drive them home for a quiet afternoon. At least that's the plan.

But it wasn't the party that was on my mind as I snuck into his room after tuck-in last night. I simply stared at him as he dozed in the dim light that reflected in from the hallway. He lay curled up on his side, underneath his Buzz Lightyear comforter, clutching his beloved Winnie the Pooh blankie. He was bigger than he had ever been before, yet he still looked so small.

I gently patted his head with one hand, wondering how much longer I'd be able to fit my whole hand over so much of him. I put my head in the little crook between his shoulder and his cheek, and felt his gentle breathing. I wondered what he was dreaming about. He's such a happy kid that I figure it had to be a sweet dream.

I stayed there for too long, hoping I could slow things down just long enough so that I would properly remember what it felt like to be right there, right then. I thought how lucky he was to be having a sweet dream about his big birthday, and how lucky I was to be right there as he dreamed it all.

He didn't stir as I whispered into his ear that I loved him and kissed him one last time. I'm sure he didn't even know I was there. But deep down, I hope he knows that I wish I could always be there with him. And that no matter how big he gets, he'll always be our baby, and we'll always remember what it was like for our little guy to get lost in the middle of a sea of Buzz Lightyear and Winnie the Pooh.

May this birthday be as happy as the little boy who celebrates it today.

34 comments:

Pearl said...

Hi Michele sent me into this sweet moment. Glad you appreciate, treasure, these years.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Great post, Carmi. Michele sent me here.

Angie said...

My baby girl is 4 today so I am experiencing some of the same thoughts and feelings as you. May your little one and your family have a wonderful day! Enjoy!

Mrs. Fun said...

aww carmi, you got me all teary eyed now. 5 is a fun and exciting year :) Lots to be learned and lots of experianced.
and if you figure out how to skow time,please let me know.

colleenR said...

I used to adjust my rearviw mirro while driving so I could study my sons in amazement who were in the back seat. I have never stopped being amazed by them, even now as they are young adults. Happy Birthday to your son. Michele sent me.

PresentStorm said...

Beautiful post ...Some of my most favorite moments are exactly that ..Looking over her angelic face as she sleeps .Wondering what she is dreaming . I love your writing as always ..I hope Noah ( I love that name) has a most excellent birthday today :)

Carmen said...

That is so sweet!

happy birthday to your little guy. Enjoy the party.

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

that is so sweet, happy birthday to your little guy, my baby girl is turning 11 in the fall, how did that happen?
my son is 14, almost 6 feet tall, i still cuddle and snuggle with him when we watch tv, don't think that because your little guy is getting older that you can't still do these things

Dlynne said...

(Heavy sigh) Oh how can I relate. Some of my most precious memories are spending time with my kids after they had fallen asleep. Such peaceful times even after a day of chaos. Have a wonderful day filled with new memories. Happy Birthday to your little guy.

CanEragon said...

Well Noah and I celebrate the same "Birthday!" Happy Birthday Noah !!

jeremy

Ms Mac said...

Happy Birthday to Noah!

I have to agree about the baby of the family. My youngest never seems to be as big as his brothers were at his age. He will always be my baby and as such will always be spoiled!

riye said...

happy birthday to the lil guy... may all his wishes (and yours) come true.

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

You're making the most of his life and yours. That's the best there is.

Mike said...

They will always be your baby. my son is 22 and I still worry about him sometimes. Michelle sent me.

Lynda said...

Carmi,

Every time I visit your blog, I am so glad I did. Thanks for making it so wonderful.

Angel of Music said...

Michele sent me. Wonderful insight! My husband and I always take a moment to check on the kids before retiring, although I think it's just an excuse to watch them sleep! :0)

sophie said...

Michele sent me. My niece turned 5 this week as well. They are simply amazing to observe.

Charlezmom said...

Enjoy the moment....I took pictures as my son slept the night he turned 6. I swear he grew up over night. On the bright side, each year I think I could never love him more than I do now and yet, each year I love him and enjoy him more! Close your eyes and feel his soft, warm plump hand in yours the next time you hold it...and commit the memory to your heart so you'll have it to cherish the day he finally lets go...

Kevin said...

After arriving here from Michele's, let me just say: Great post!

I've got three of my own and, at one time or another, have experienced the same mixed feelings. Thankfully, today's technology (digital cameras, videocams, etc) help keep those memories safe and secure.

Patricia said...

Michelle sent me! Smootch that baby for me!

Thumper said...

It never stops; even when they hit 22 you look at them and wonder how it's possible they got that big, and if there's any way to slow it all down.

'Course, part of that is because every day he gets older so do I, and I'm much closer to dead than he is ;)

Mike is right (that's my Spouse Thingy!)...you never really stop worrying.

Dan said...

Michele sent me to say this: When you come back and re-read this post in fifteen years' time, you'll remember exactly what it felt like to be right there, right then. You'll remember it because it's an important memory and you ran it through your mind several times when writing this post. And that's how you'll always be able to remember such a touching and intimate moment.

Valderbar said...

Oh they are sweet at that age made of snails and puppy dog tails and cotton candy and angel feathers.

Valderbar said...

oh, and michele, she sent me.

Tammy said...

Beautiful post, Carmi. And yes, he will always be your baby. My oldest is 13 and stands a good 5 inches taller than me....and he's still my baby.

chatty said...

Aw, well a very Happy fifth to your little one!

Michele sent me, but I love coming by on my own!

Dawn said...

Happy Birthday to your little guy!

I am here via Michele tonight

MissMeliss said...

Wow, what a perfect moment, so sweetly captured. Happy birthday to your son.

Twist of Kate said...

Aw that was such a sweet post! What a great daddy you must be :)
Happy Birthday to your little man!

Ella said...

Wonderful post. My children will always be my babies...

Happy birthday to your little fella.

Rachel - Wicked Ink said...

I am always so moved when you talk about your children. I really wish Jager's father was as emotionally invested in his life as you are with your three.

Best wishes.

bmh said...

That was so sweet.

Babies always know that they're the babies. I'm the youngest in my family-- there's no getting past it!

Hope the party was great!

vanx said...

Babies turn 18, I've found. I know what you're going through here. I have one that just turned 7. She's the end of the line. Now they get to be really old babies~,:^)

The Torch Singer said...

OH HOW CUTE....

wow..

what a lucky boy to have a father like you.

michele sent me...

Nadia :)