Monday, January 04, 2010

Putting my foot down


Infinitely finite
Delray Beach, FL, December 2009


We're home. After a couple of weeks away from the craziness that is the life of the Levy clan, we're back on terra firma. While we were away, I was busy with my camera, so I'll be sharing some glimpses of our adventure in the days and weeks to come.

A few months back, just after we had returned from my father's funeral, I remember a conversation with my wife where I told her I felt broken. I know you don't fix loss, and healing from something like this always involves a few well-placed scars. But being here, speaking about him with my aunt - my dad's younger sister and only sibling - was nevertheless the kind of catharsis our souls needed after the brutal period we'd been through this past year.

So we came to this place to relax, disconnect and reflect on where we go now. It was a vacation we knew we needed, not one filled with itineraries and activities, but one filled with quiet time and poolside chats. [Note to self: In the year to come, have more discussions with the folks who matter most.]

With that in mind, my wife and I set out for the beach, alone, on the last day of the year. I wandered around with my camera and spent a lot of time with my eyes closed, listening to the pounding waves. At one point, I walked into the warm surf and stood there while the tide rolled in around me. As the ocean drew little temporary works of art around my tired feet and toes, I stared down at the endless spectacle, reluctant to move for fear of disturbing the peaceful moment.

I didn't get any answers to the myriad questions that have been dogging me for much of the year, but for a tiny slice of time, standing on the edge of a very large and mysterious ocean, I felt like I was on the verge of a bigger change, too, and that things would be different when I walked back up the beach to rejoin my wife.

Funny how a little reflective time alone can help you see things more clearly.

Your turn: Have you reflected lately? Do tell...

9 comments:

kenju said...

I need time alone each day and if I don't get it - I feel frustrated. Now, I wish I could have that time in FL!! (although it is pretty cold there right now....LOL)

Jodi Anderson said...

I do reflect a lot, as well as think about the present and future. I absolutely have to have quiet, alone time for much of each day. I can't think straight if I don't.

Very peaceful post. It seems that so many of us, whether or not we do resolutions and/or believe that a new year brings some bird of hope, I have come across so many lately who seem to be starting some path of personal enlightenment.

I find it to be so fresh and welcoming.

GreenLeaf said...

Walking back up the beach to rejoin your wife and your life....

Rinkly Rimes said...

You put your foot down in the right place!

Tracie said...

It is so good that you had a chance to spend time with your dad's family sharing memories and feelings. Sometimes those discussions that we should focus on are the ones we push off until "tomorrow" Thanks for that reminder.

I've been feeling on the verge of big changes myself as this new year starts...I am hoping these changes are for the best and that I will be open to accepting them whatever comes my way.

Mojo said...

I think this week's theme is all about reflection, about looking back so we can look forward.

Oddly -- or perhaps not -- I also spent New Year's at the beach, though the surf at Topsail Island, NC was nowhere near warm enough to stand in barefoot like this. But weather aside, I found a great deal of warmth while I was there. In some ways unexpected warmth even. The photos I elected from that trip will post tomorrow morning in v. 7.0 of the theme of the week.

Today though, I did take a look back at the latter stages of 2009 and what it meant to people-who-are-not-me. Including you and your family Carmi. Because you were all very much in the thoughts of a great many people -- me included.

Thematic Photographic 82: "2009 - The Year that Was" v.6.0 - Grief and Loss, Domestic Violence Awareness Month and City Plaza

awareness said...

putting your foot down....one in front of the other.....

beautiful post, Carmi. For some reason, my 2 weeks time away from the office felt unsettled and any attempts at reflection left me at a loss. I don't know why it seemed so unproductive.... Perhaps my energy had dipped so low I just needed to blank out!
Since returning to work yesterday, I can feel myself once again focused, so I must've done some form of reflection to reach that point again!
Beach reflections are always memorable aren't they?

theMuddledMarketPlace said...

right now, getting out and about to reflect just isn't happening

so my reflection is occurring while the hessian and rag pieces are being fashioned into a rug

C said...

Great post. I spent most of my holiday break alone and your description of your feelings sort of sums up how I felt in my solitude.